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There’s Something About Her Business Strategy

There’s Something About Her Business Strategy

Final week’s Vanderpump Guidelines episode, “Mistress In Misery,” was a wild one —  between Lisa Vanderpump clocking one thing bizarre between Raquel and Sandoval, Ally revealing that she noticed them out collectively (alone) on the Abbey at 1am, and Katie later calling Tom out for it, there was virtually an excessive amount of to soak up. However in between an hour’s price of jaw-dropping moments, there was one scene that uniquely re-irritated me a number of occasions. When Ariana and Katie shared their pleasure about signing a lease in a chief location for Something About Her, Tom Sandoval sat by, seemingly unamused and admittedly seething with jealousy. Simply see this back-handed praise in response to their celebration:

“Look, I’m so stoked for the ladies. I’m undoubtedly jealous of how low their lease is, and it’s, like, small, contained, simple. They don’t have any companions. I’m excited, I’m jealous in a great way. I’m envious.”

Why — throughout an episode through which Schwartz continued to deride Katie, through which Raquel chastised Oliver whereas secretly sleeping with Sandoval, through which Sandoval continues to have that silly mustache — did this seemingly innocuous sentence enrage me? As a result of, as a enterprise proprietor who is aware of how troublesome it’s for ladies to get forward in any trade, listening to Sandoval name Katie and Ariana’s endeavor “simple” crammed me with rage not seen since Jax roamed the streets in a cumbersome white sweater.

Earlier than Something About Her even opens, Sandoval is insistent on under-cutting Katie and Ariana’s success. Ought to the enterprise start raking in critical earnings, Sandoval’s narrative is evident: Something About Her’s success is much less worthy and spectacular than Schwartz & Sandy’s, as a result of Katie and Ariana had it “simple.”  

However are Katie and Ariana on simple avenue, or are they merely non-delusional about what makes a savvy debut enterprise in a notoriously troublesome trade and metropolis? Trying nearer at SAH, Katie and Ariana, not like Tom and Tom, have been good sufficient to not leverage their very own cash in constructing the enterprise, and good sufficient to put stated enterprise proper in the midst of Vanderpump Sq. in WeHo. Sandoval is correct that they don’t have (or, extra appropriately, want) a meddlesome third companion, however he ignores that it’s as a result of they’re beginning a manageable enterprise and never a pipe dream. They nonetheless have entry to Lisa as their mentor, natural promotion from the present, and the idea itself has authentic franchise potential if they’ll pull it off. Additionally they have a model and technique that’s rooted in what a sq. like Greg would possibly name a “aggressive evaluation.” Katie and Ariana have recruited the inside designer who works on Nancy Meyers movies to execute their model idea, and their sales space man hasn’t stop but. 

Anybody who wasn’t handed their stake in a restaurant as a result of their identify is Tom would admire that, from a profitability perspective, Katie and Ariana seem like in a significantly better place than their Disgusting Brothers counterparts. On the very least, they’re seemingly not pouring 5 digits of lease into an unfinished area, probably for months on finish, whereas concurrently trying out emotionally and counting on their companions and workers to do all the pieces. Even within the worst-case state of affairs that SAH doesn’t thrive, they’ll merely finish the lease and shut the enterprise with out scorching their funds and futures.

As anybody who has watched the final two seasons is aware of, that’s definitely not the case for Tom and Tom. Tom Sandoval desires us to understand him as an elite businessman and sufferer within the travesty of Schwartz & Sandy’s delayed opening, when he’s, in actual fact, the perpetrator. He and Schwartz don’t have the expertise to execute with a number of distractions pulling them away, and Greg didn’t have the inducement to power a half-assed open and put his fame as a restaurant operator on the road simply because the Toms are bleeding money. I additionally strongly suspect that the opening may’ve occurred earlier if it weren’t a distant fifth on Sandoval’s precedence record, behind 1) fucking Raquel, 2) going to Mexico, 3) his band apply that was scheduled a very long time in the past, and 4) manicures. 

On the subject of the Toms, S9E8, “Pitch Not-So-Excellent,” is rather more fascinating to re-watch now than it was on the time it aired, as a result of it so clearly reveals the ineptitude that results in season 10’s delayed opening. In season 9, Sandoval petitions Greg for $1,700 lighting fixtures (he simply actually cares in regards to the particulars, he says), after which spells “Schwartz” incorrectly on his sketch of the Schwartz & Sandy’s signal (so on high of these particulars!). Greg had requested them throughout a earlier episode to brainstorm a model idea, so that they take mushrooms and report again with the idea of a “dive lounge.” By the tip of their assembly, Greg says he’d relatively companion with Katie, and asks her to assist them give you a mission assertion. Regardless of her authentic enter, Sandoval berates her, and his sidecar, Katie’s personal husband, backs him up.

Quick ahead to season 10, and we’re now watching Schwartz & Sandy’s battle to open on time, juxtaposed with the founding of Ariana and Katie’s “small and easy” enterprise. A lemonade stand, virtually, proper Tom? 

You don’t want to inform followers that Kariana is superior, and worthy of all of the success that comes their means, however it’s irritating that it took this lengthy for Vanderpump’s personal forged to appreciate it. Regardless of all of Tom and Tom’s very public private {and professional} flaws, Ariana and Katie have been by no means the frontrunners to grow to be the Vanderpump heirs-apparent to the restaurant enterprise. Irrespective of that each of them had extra authentic restaurant and bartending expertise than different forged members — like, say, Tom Schwartz, a 5% proprietor of TomTom. Irritating because it is perhaps, although, it’s additionally not shocking, significantly while you see that it is a downside that extends effectively past West Hollywood. 

About every week in the past, knowledge went viral displaying that amongst Fortune 500 corporations, solely about 40 of them are led by ladies — however these corporations have persistently outperformed the male-led corporations on common. Additionally, a brand new fund of ladies CEOs has outperformed the S&P 500 because it began in January 2023.


There are a lot of theories as to why that is the case, however mine is that by the point any girl attains such a uncommon place, she’s been educated to be so extremely on high of her shit and has labored so exhaustively to appropriate her flaws (which have been identified to her repeatedly) that after all ladies at that stage are poised to outperform their male counterparts on common — particularly contemplating the male CEOs’ common is probably going dragged down by some who’ve made it to the highest regardless of some B+ performances (like anticipating another person to call your drink menu when you have been each hooking up with Raquel in Mexico). 

Sandoval lucked into the dream of each waiter/actor/mannequin in LA, and it didn’t require any precise abilities to get his huge break. Astoundingly, Tom Schwartz’s rise is even much less meritorious. Unable to make it by means of the grueling interview course of of constructing one cocktail, Schwartz obtained to the place he’s (wherever which may be) solely as a result of he was Katie’s boyfriend. From there, his means to appeal Lisa Vanderpump landed him in not solely a lead spot on the present, however an possession stake in a West Hollywood restaurant (!) named after him (!!) with established companions doing the precise work (!!!) that’s featured weekly on nationwide TV (!!!!). There’s failing up, after which there’s no matter Tom Schwartz is doing. Discuss sleeping your approach to the highest.

Whether or not or not the Toms should be there within the first place, the way in which Schwartz & Sandy’s is creating, it appears clear they don’t should be the place they’re now. In all equity, although I do know fairly a bit about operating a enterprise, I do know nothing about eating places, so who am I to say that beginning the subsequent TAO doesn’t hinge on designing the tackiest banquettes east of the PCH? 

After which there’s the timeless adage: location, location, location. Something About Her is down the road from Sur, whereas, as Dylan Hafer identified on Point out It All, Schwartz & Sandy’s is not less than 30 minutes away from Vanderpump Sq.. The dual selections to place their confusingly named institution (Is it a surf shack? An old style Jewish deli?) at a substantial distance from Sur undoubtedly speaks to the innate draw that the Toms consider they’re, and can undoubtedly proceed to be. The small radius in West Hollywood round Sur is the place followers of the present go to chase their goat cheese ball desires, however I can’t think about that contingent crawling throughout LA in a expensive Uber simply to glimpse the adulterous clowns whose personal enterprise companion predicts they’ll be divorced and dwelling out of their automobiles in 10 years. Reminiscent of some distinguished males I gained’t identify, Sandoval appears far much less invested in operating an enterprise that makes an precise revenue than he’s in utilizing Schwartz & Sandy’s as this season’s manifestation of his late-stage narcissism. I feel I’ve seen this movie earlier than, and I didn’t just like the ending.

For what it’s price, the Toms declare that the restaurant is flourishing. This is sensible for the time being, given the morbid curiosity we’re all experiencing post-Scandoval. Actually, even I’d in all probability stroll into Schwartz & Sandy’s proper now only for kicks. However what’s the plan for 5 years down the road when there isn’t any novelty to be present in paying for a B+ brunch by Bravo’s largest purveyors of bullshit?

They have been by no means working towards a long-term enterprise. I can’t conceive of two 40-year-olds extra prone to fail the marshmallow take a look at than Schwartz & Sando (not less than this identify would’ve made sense — nobody even calls him Sandy!). Watching them interview workers was like watching two 10th graders try to rent cupboard secretaries. They by no means as soon as thought of what would possibly occur in the event that they acted like shitheads (unfathomable) and fan favor turned towards them. As an alternative, Tom 1 and Tom 2 have been so obsessive about going out “on their very own with out Lisa” (however nonetheless with a man who they met by means of Lisa), that they continued to leverage their very own precarious funds in more and more D&S methods. I’ve a sense this strip-mall surprise would possibly finish with them auctioning off the Schwartz & Sandy’s signal to a Vanderpump fan with an excessive amount of cash. On the brilliant facet, not less than Sandoval will have the ability to pay his mother again. 

May Katie and Ariana get by on B+ performances? And, if they might (no), would they ever really feel like that was sufficient? To me, they appear fairly conscious that they should put precise thought and energy into their restaurant, and that nobody is coming again for a hyper-artisanal cocktail that resembles Listerine. Clearly, we don’t understand how both firm will in the end carry out, however between real-world knowledge, and Something About Her enterprise technique? By no means has it been simpler to root for Kariana. 

Featured picture courtesy of Getty Photographs.


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